Aspirations

Aspirations: a strong desire to achieve something high or great.

As odd as it may seem, I have found a song, that resembles my life right now.

Learning to Live by Beth Hart.

Each word in the lyrics to this song captivate my life right now. I have changed what I am attending school for. I think I have made a perfect choice for me. This is where I NEED to be in life. I am going for my Bachelors in Human Services and Management. Which in titles me to become a Social Worker. This is where my heart is, this is where I need to be. This will open me to a whole world of what I can do. Areas of work for me, that touch my life in many different personal levels. I will have the choice to work with people struggling with Addictions, Mental Illnesses, working in Nursing Homes and Hospice centers, as well as working with kids. There is a wide array of fields I can enter into with this degree, that have touched my life in some way or another..This is where I need to be...This is where I want to be...This is where I will be able to look back at my life, when I am at the end of my road, and be happy with what I have chose for my life. I begin my classes in a little less that a week. I am nervous. I am ecstatic. I am stressed. I am confident. I just want this to begin. I want to start my journey. I have my big girl pants on, and I am going to jump in and run with the winds..

Over this last weekend Ryan and I took Tyler to a park in Redmond, that is just amazing. There's no other words for this park. It was a 64 acre park. There was a dog park, gardening area, R/C airplane area, tennis courts, basketball, soccer, Croquet, kids area, a Subway. You name it, and it was there. We had a great time there. There was a high school baseball game being played on one of the fields, that we indulged into for awhile. We enjoyed watching them play..I also purchased through Craigslist a jogging stroller. I am ready to lose the rest of this flab. I can't believe how long it has stuck around, and how long it has taken me to lose it. I was doing fantastic with eating better, and monitoring what I eat, as well as how much. In the last couple of weeks I have fallen off the bandwagon, and I am ready to jump back on. With the Spring weather here, I have NO excuse not to get out and get my big ol' butt in shape...So my goal to achieve here within the next week to 2 weeks, is I have to purchase a few things:

1. New earphones for my iphone/ipod. The ones Apple gives you, are a joke.
2. New workout pants, the ones I have now, are waaaay too big for me..I guess that's a good thing, to some..but for me, not good enough!!
3. Arm band to put my iphone/ipod into while I am jogging.

Then I will be off...ready to run...and I feel it, that I am ready..So let's do this, let's bring it on. I need to lose these last remaining pounds. I weighed myself yesterday, and I'm weighing in at 123pounds. Although I think I have about 85 of those pounds in my stomach. Ugh. Ick. Grrrr..Why is it I have to carry my weight in the worst possibly spot. The hardest area to lose the weight. The most awkward place. Ohhh genetics, you just have to embrace them and take it as it is..I guess..I am ready though. Ready to run..well maybe not that much, but definitely ready to jog!! On April 11th, 2010. I will be participating the the Walk MS for Multiple Sclerosis. I will be walking with the team Moms with MS. I am very excited. I have never participated in such an event, and I look forward to this endeavor!!

I am on a recent journey within myself as well. I have came to an odd spot, and realizing I need to do some things for myself..I need to find myself. I need to break away from just being Mom, and find who I am..I am fighting learning about myself, and learning what I like, and things I want in my life. I am also on a journey to educate myself about different religions and different beliefs. I want to find what is right for me, and to have faith. I want to learn a hobby. I had the swift thought of making homemade cards. I am very interested in this, it's just getting the materials I will need to begin. I know Michaels always has great sales on scrapbooking materials, in fact the weekly ad for this week, has some fantastic deals. It's just making the time to get there..So I am working to 'find myself'...

I also am going through some 'drama' within myself currently..I am going to break away from somethings/some people in my life..I am going to work to build better relationships with some that I seem to neglect..The ones that are always there...nonjudgmental, supportive, and truly care from the bottom of their hearts..So wish me luck, as this is going to be difficult. I am going to hurt some, and hurt myself as I go through this. I am strong though. I have strength within me that will portray through the cracks with these steps..

As I approach a new road in life this next week, I am going to take on a lot more than just school. A step in life. Working for my future. Securing my future. Working on my health. Working on getting back in shape. Focusing on myself. Building confidence. Building my self-esteem. Most importantly being a Mom, being a Girlfriend, being a student, and being ME!

I make my departure from my chair today, to go through my day with the kiddos today. I will find 3 things today that I am grateful for. 3 things I loved about today. 3 things I am happy about. and 1 thing I disliked..I will reflect at the end of my day..Until then I must remove my bum from my chair, get me some more coffee, and get busy, busy, busy!!!

Good day to all whom walk across this blog today..

It's Been Awhile

A lot has changed since my last posting, and there have been some new adventures in life taken.

I will begin with; this is going to be a lengthy posting, so buckle that seat belt, and get ready.

An update on Tyler is far from over due. Tyler has been doing amazing on his 'head hitting'. We have experienced far and few between episodes of this. I would have to say that, Tyler has passed this phase. Through this I learned a lot about my child. I experienced his will and determination. Tyler is a very head-strong individual. I see many days ahead of me where Tyler and I will battle out our wills. Tyler is an incredible child!! Tyler is still enjoying reading a lot. In fact we purchases some new books for him, just yesterday. He has began to color, and enjoys spending his time coloring pictures. We are going through the stages of Tyler gaining his independence. I am no longer the one that he wants to help him anymore. :( Tyler wants to dress himself, put his shoes on by himself, clean up his toys, put his dishes in the sink, whatever it may be...he wants to do it on his own. His speech is improving day to day as well. I see where he tries to say words more. I am so proud of him! Tyler has brought so much into our home. Tyler's personality is such a unique personality. He truely is one of a kind.

I will not bore with my immense love and pride of a Mother for my son, I will move on now! I have signed up for college, and I will begin my classes on March 29th. I am very excited, yet I am overwhelmingly nervous. It shocks the every nerve in my body that I finally made the step and the move to better my life for myself. What the future holds for me...I am excited to experience. I am going now for my Associates of Arts in Elementary Education. I will continue after the 20 months(of school for A.A.) for my Bachelors degree in Elementary Education. I have not made the final decision yet of whether I am going to go with Elementary Special Education or leave myself open to general studies. I have always had a very dear spot in my heart for all people with developmental delays. I have awhile to make this decision still though. I am excited to begin my schooling. It feels as though it's been a lifetime since I last attended. Here's to the future!!

Ryan and I are still doing the same. We have worked on some of our debts since the begining of the year..well wait...we have worked on some of my debts...Soon enough before I know it, all will be taken care of...at least I hope. We have also continued on our journey of losing weight and improving our eating habits and health. I have went from 134 pounds to now at 125 pounds. I had went down some more, although I have had a bad couple of weeks. :) Ryan has decreased his soda intake from six or more sodas a day to only two. I must confess, I am impressed with him continuing with this. I have made some goals as of recently and I hope to be at 115pounds by my birthday on May 16th. I must get my rear end in gear and continue with what I have been doing, instead of slacking, and just making excuses for myself.

That there, is the jist of it all. I am working on planning Tyler's 2nd Birthday party. I am very excited for this. I did not do a party for Tyler's first birthday, and I regret it. Although I have learned that I will not do anything from here on out with him, that I will later regret, as in not having him a birthday party! He deserves it, and he deserves to have a day be all about him! He is a special boy. I hope to be able to have a BBQ potluck style. I looked at decorations online with Tyler and he chose some barnyard animals that he liked a lot. He loves animals, so perhaps we will go with that 'theme'.

With what is to come of the future I turn to and look at with the utmost excitement. The hard work, the determination, and the passion to get to what I want to be, and to become the person I want to be...I will continue my journey of becoming me, and learning new and insipiring aspects of who I am as each day ahead comes and goes. Nobody said this journey is going to be easy. I will not fail. I will be all that I want to be.

Today's quote of Wisdom:

Be the change you hope to see in the world.

To begin. I am at yet another battle with Tyler. He had improved remarkably with his "head bashing". I was so proud of my boy. Then recently he has now taken on bashing his chin. Yep. His chin. I have no idea where to go from here. I spent over two hours last night in his room with him. Laying on the floor next to him (while he in his crib). Rocking him. Cuddling him. Talking calmly to him. Crying with him. Unable to change the actions that he is doing. I found myself unable to manage my emotions. I found myself pouring my heart out to my son. Begging. Pleading him to just stop hurting himself. The emotions a Mother feels when they witness their own child hurting themselves, is a pain that no will understand, until they themselves witness...

Ryan and I came to the conclusion last night that we must obtain a referral to a Behavioral Specialist from his Doctor's office. We must seek the help that we need to help Tyler overcome whatever aggression he may be feeling. We must find a way to help him express his feelings in a less harmful manner. I will be calling today to hopefully be able to get some help with this situation. Please keep us in your prayers and thoughts, as we all need as much strength as we can get in this time. I will continue to post and update as things move along, and hopefully as Tyler progresses in a less harmful manner.

November, this month of the year everyone seems to reflect what they are thankful for. I had a conversation this morning with Trudi, and I found myself pondering different things I am thankful for. I had a very dear statement from Trudi of what she is thankful for...she has came to the conclusion that she is thankful for me, and my care for Aurora. That made my heart swell! I am so blessed to have Aurora and her parents in my life. I love that little girl, and I know my son loves her too. She brings a sense of light to some of our darker days, as well as a playful demeanor that she has about herself. I found myself enjoying another cup of coffee as Trudi left for her day at work, I pondered the different things in my life that I am thankful for. I seem to take a lot of things for granted on a daily basis. I noticed I am in need of some much needed, showing of appreciation to others around me. As for the month of November, I am thankful. Thankful to be here. Thankful to have a child that I love with my whole being. Thankful to have a roof over my head. Thankful to have a man that loves me and accepts me for me. Thankful that I have been blessed to be a stay at home Mom. Most importantly though...I AM THANKFUL!

Thanksgiving is right around the corner, as well as Aurora's birthday and my Aunt Susie's. Then before we know it, Christmas will be here, followed by a new year. I am looking forward to the holidays this year. I will finally have a little more money this year, than usual. Aside from that, I am looking to try some new recipes this year. I plan to bake quite a bit. New and old recipes. Just to have the sweet smell of a Christmas tree and sweets baking in the oven, and the little hands I will have helping me in the kitchen...I am looking forward to that time. Ryan and I discussed some goals that we have for this next year. We are planning to work on our debts, and hopefully eliminate some that we have. We will work one month on one's, followed by the next month on the other's. We may not be able to get everything cleared up, but we are in high hopes of at least some of our debts. With a new year ahead of us, goals we have made, and self goals that have not been spoken of, I look forward to. I see a light at the ever dark end of the tunnel. I see hope. I see promises. I see more to come. I can see again, where I once saw nothing. With many personal, unspoken of, goals I have within myself. Some I am in hopes of achieving by the end of this year, and some by the end of 2010. What I am looking forward to the most though, I must admit, is watching Tyler grow and develop even more. His ever changing self, each and every new day he does something new, and his looks are changing more into a little boy, than the baby he was not so long ago. Holidays ahead of us, new beginnings and new hopes as the new year approaches us..

Today looks as though it is going to be another beautiful calm day in our little corner of the world. The sun is out. I saw it rise this morning and ever so beautiful as usual. We have calm skies, and a calm brisk in the air, as we listen to the birds chirping in delight. I will end here today as I hear a baby stirring in the other room, as one awakes from a morning snoozer. Today's entry ends with new hope for tomorrow, and thankfulness for this day.

My random moments.

Today's entry is going to be a bit of everything.

Everything at random.

First and for most I want to address the incident that happened in Fort Hood, Texas yesterday. If you have not turned on your television in the past two days, or perhaps you have not been online, I suggest you go here and see this.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33678801/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/

My heart goes out to everyone who lost a loved one, or whom was injured in this horrific incident. I can't even begin to wrap my mind around how this could happen, why this would happen, and who could do this? We fear for those at war, we wait and anticipate their safe arrival home. We count the days down until they are on safe soil, yet we never even imagine that these kinds of events would happen here on our soil. A day at the office. A normal every other day. It breaks my heart..I send my thoughts and prayers to those families who lost a loved one on this sad day in America, and I send my prayers for a quick recovery for those injured as well.

Now to more of my random feelings and emotions.

We have been working really hard this week to start new ways to tackle Tyler's "head bashing" episodes that he has been going through. We have worked on putting him in a 'time-out' soft chair in the middle of the room. He seems to be doing a lot better with it. We have had a huge decrease in the amount of times per day that he does this. I feel in my gut, that he does this strictly out of anger/frustration when he wants something, wants to do something, or to get his way. I have watched his actions when I take away something, or tell him "No." Tyler knows what he is doing! I am proud of him though for the progress that he has made in the past week, now I just keep the hope that in the near future we will move past this phase of his life.

The weekend is almost here, and I am planning a mellow weekend. I want to get some quality time in with Tyler and Ryan. Hopefully we will all be able to have a good time this weekend together. I had really wanted to take Emma to see Disney On Ice. When I looked into it I didn't realize it was this weekend, and since they were just here last weekend, not this year!! Hopefully next year I can take her to see it!!

Tyler has started a new thing this week. He loves to pretend everything is a camera, and he holds it up in front of him and has a CHEESY smile, and says "Cheeeeese." It's absolutely adorable, and I wish I could get a video of him doing it!

I am still on the kick of getting a bunny. I do know it's the last thing we need right now. It will be a lot of work. It's a mess...and now is where I will sound like a selfish 3 year old!! Buuuut I REALLY WANT ONE!! =)

For now this is my ending of my random moments. More may come later...maybe after I get some more coffee in this darn body, I will have more thinking power!

The Simple Woman's Day Book November 3RD, 2009

FOR TODAY...

Outside my window...I feel the brisk Autumn breeze. The sun is peering through the bare trees, and the sky is looking promising for a beautiful calm day.

I am thinking... Of learning a new hobby. Perhaps sewing (with a machine), scrapbooking, gift basket making! I am wanting to try something new, and start a new hobby!

I am thankful for... Another day with my healthy family. The roof over my head, and the food in my tummy.

From the kitchen... Tonight for dinner we will be having Salmon patties with Dill sauce, as well as a cold pasta salad.

I am wearing... My morning comfy jeans and a cozy black warm sweatshirt.

I am creating... An environment of safety, love, understanding, and nurturing for Tyler and Aurora today.

I am going... Nowhere fast..I have a week of simplicity planned. Perhaps later in the week Tyler and I will bundle ourselves and go for a walk and stop by the park.

I am reading... Nothing at the moment. I am looking to begin a new book here soon.

I am hoping... For another calm day. Also that Tyler's doctor's office will have more flu shots, as he has yet to receive one.

I am hearing... Zac Brown Band singing me my favorite song, Free. Also in the background I can hear Tyler playing as Aurora takes a snoozer.

Around the house... There are chores to be done, and a child hard at play.

One of my favorite things... Hearing the laughter come from the small soul of my child.

A few plans for the rest of the week: A walk with Tyler. I am also watching Aurora today and Friday this week. I plan to start a new book this week, as well as try to educate myself on more ways to become the best Mother that I can become. The most important part of my week, I will unconditionally love my family that I have been blessed with.

Here is picture for thought I am sharing...

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

Plans of the coming future.

..and must I add, future, as in this weekend!

It appears that tomorrow is Halloween. What they now call the 2ND most commercialized holiday, aside from Christmas. Our plans as we had them have changed. Kristen and Emma will be coming to visit and we will be taking the kids out to trick-or-treat together. My predictions of the weekend. Chaos. Joy. Mayhem. Memories. I think it shall be a lot of fun.



I was not allowed to leave the house this morning according to Tyler. This morning and afternoon we rather difficult for Tyler and I, although we made it threw it, and we are happy tonight! Tyler had a rough start of his day. I am unaware of what provoked his mood, and I wish I did know, so I could help him and make it better for him. Tyler has started a new thing, where he takes out his frustrations in a self destructive manner, and will 'head bash' hard objects around him. Now as this is his way of releasing frustration, it is very hard as a parent to sit back and see your child in this way. As any Mother would feel, my heart breaks each time I see him doing this destructive behavior to himself. I try all that I know to do to help him, and to work with him to get through this. As our day progressed and nap time was over with Tyler woke in a very refreshed and happy mood. We have had a lovely night togther, him and I. Ryan is working late tonight so we are enjoying a Mother and Son night.


As I come to an ending of today's entry I am appreciative for having another day with the son that I love oh so much. I am thankful that my partner in life is here for me, supports me, and is understanding of my needs. I am thankful also for the roof over my head that I have been blessed with. I learned through the day the struggles between frustration and pain are expressed in each individual differently, and we must adapt to each other's ways, and do the best we can to protect them from pain as much as possible.

Let us observe a moment of silence in memory of Mom's sanity....

Where did today begin? Was it the early morning? Perhaps it was when I realized I was out of creamer and I had already made a pot of coffee? Which led me to have to sit and smell the coffee..and suffer..Or was it when we had our first heroic fit today? I have no answer to where it all began...It's been a long day and were not even finished with the race. Tyler has had a rough morning, perhaps because he was awoken before he was ready to wake..Hmmm....I do believe for the past almost 17 months I myself have been experiencing this! I don't get to throw toys, hit kids, and scream at the top of my lungs. I am slowly learning the laws of a toddler. They are as follows:

1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.

7. If it looks just like mine, it's mine.

8. If I think it's mine, it's mine.

Ohhh as I say my favorite quote again...The joys of Motherhood!! =)

I came across an ad for Old Navy as I was browsing online in my 'Quiet Time' for $2.00 costumes and Halloween apparel for October 30Th and 31st. I hope to stop by an Old Navy and pick up either a costume for this year, or one for next year for Tyler.

On I go now, my moment of silence in remembrance of my sanity is now up.....